Question of Switzerland: Celebrity Death List 2011

Which 5 slebs do you think will kark it this year?

As always, the person with the most correct passings will receive a signed print from the Heroes.

As a bonus this year, if you can guess an unlikely passing (McQueen any one?), we'll also throw in a free print.

Paul Briant

Prince Phillip
Margaret Thatcher
Nelson Mandela
Liz Taylor
Kirk Douglas

Brucie Bonus: Cilla Black

Dan Button

Zsa Zsa Gabor (gets legless)
Kirk Douglas (he'll still beat Michael)
Ronnie Biggs (snuff overdose)
Clive Dunn (panics)
Nelson Mandela (falls over Charlie Dimmock's water feature)

Brucie Bonus:
Gazza

Edward Gawne

Christopher Hitchens
Fidel Castro
Dick Cheney
Kim Jong-Il
Lockerbie Bomber

Kate Middleton.... to pay a hefty price for being the first royal to use a car to transport her from the abbey on her wedding day

Margaret Thatcher

Margarat Thatcher.
Russell Brand.
Pele
Mike Smith (ex radio1 dj)
Hugh Heffner (again)

Posh Spice!

Rob Valsler

Eunice Sanborn
Ali Al Megrahi
Margaret Thatcher
Zha Zha Gabor
Ronnie Biggs

Michelle Obama

Charlotte Fuller

1. Phillip Windsor
2. Bobby Charlton
3. George Bush Senior
4. Stephen Hawking
5. Elizabeth Taylor

Brucie Bonus: Fernando Alonso - CRASH!

Scot Devine

Box for boxer? Jake Lamotta
Supreme ending for former supreme leader? Ayatollah Ali Khamenei
Shooting accident? Dick Cheney
Time of death - moor-ning? Ian Brady
Robbed of life? Ronnie Biggs

Marion Louise Atkinson

Michael Douglas

Julian Assange

Margaret Thatcher

Peter Andre

Queen Elizabeth

Jedward

Question of Switzerland #17

What are your favourite weather bands?

(tweet @heroswitzerland)


Dan Button: Lethal Drizzle, The Thundertones, Girls a Cloud, Sleet Foxes, Snoop Foggy Fog, Misty Hudson

Richard Steele: Chilly Nelson

Andrew Jerina: Squall Weller, Muggy Waters

@nonchaloir: Fog Eat Fog, Vanilla Isobar, Kenny Meteorolo-G

Question of Switzerland #16

What's your favourite Arnie quote?

Ewan Taylor:

It's not a tuuuumaaa, it's not a tuuuuumaaaa, at all.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BANkMaLJaY4


Jamie Wilson:

Get your ass to mars!


Matt Martin:

You should not drink and bake!


Marion-Louise Atkinson

I'll be back.


Christopher Green:

"It's the hard-knock life for us" Or was that Annie? I always get those 2 confused.


Dan Button:

Get to the chopper!


Ali Findlay:

"Why don't you go clone yourself, so you can go fuck yourself!!" from the 6th Day.

James Hearson:

"[Marijuana] is not a drug. It's a leaf. My drug was pumping iron, trust me."

Vicky Lowder:

I want your boots, your clothes, and your motercycle...

Question of Switzerland #16

Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day for the rest of your/their lives OR....you join in once?


Stef Isendahl:

Once?! That's a bit mean!

Marion Louise Atkinson:

Watch them and discreetly film them so I can later on threaten them to sell the footage online/ to their friends unless they give me £100.000.

CJ Wilson:

They can have sex ten times a day for all i care (and they probably will the saucy monkies) - just never ever EVER with me!

QoS #14 Celebrity Death List 2010!!!

Top 5 Celebrity Deaths of 2010

Rob Valsler:

Attenborough (D)
Attenborough (R)
Lynn (V)
Windsor (P)
Wisdom (N)

Dan Button:

Zsa Zsa Gabor (found half eaten by her dogs)
Kirk Douglas (shock, after being told he's not Sparticus)
Ronnie Biggs (snuff overdose)
Clive Dunn (falling on his bayonette)
Norman Wisdom (flat cap suffocation)

Scott Ballantyne:

Bruce Forsyth (already been dying on his arse for last 5 years)
Maggie Thatcher (for stopping milk at schools in the 80's and the miners strike, i know it's been a while but karma will catch up with you in the end)
Christopher Lee (sprayed with holy water)
Courtney Love (after killing Kurt all those years ago will finally kill herself)
The Queen (cos i want an extra couple of days off work)

Marion Louise Atkinson:

Bruce Forsyth
Fidel Castro
Sacha Baron Cohen
Sarkozy
Delia Smith

Charlotte "Granny" Fuller:

Phillip Windsor
Bobby Charlton
George Bush Senior
Stephen Hawking
Liz Taylor

Max Ward:

Kim Jong Il
Jimmy Carter
Larry King
Aretha Fraklin
David Blaine

Matt Martin:

Maggie Thatcher
Ronnie Biggs
Fidel Castro
Liz Taylor
Dennis Norden

CJ Wilson:

Liz Taylor
Amy Winehouse (though I picked her last year and she is still kicking about)
Micky Rooney
Zsa Zsa Gabour (100 this year!)
Courtney Love

Ewan Taylor:

Amy Winehouse
Britney Spears
Boy George
Bruce Forsyth
Russell Brand

James Hearson:

Micky Rooney
Slash (although it would be a disaster)
Gary Glitter
Rolf Harris
Jimmy Greaves

Question of Switzerland #12

Cheryl Cole. Three words.


Dan Button:

Pikey. Racist. Fit.


Stefan Isendahl:

Orange, Scouser, Pikey.


Ai Findlay:

Attractive. Northern. Overexposed.


Barry Lundie:

Crush that pussy.


Rena Pancholi:

Girl's Aloud, X-Factor, Loreal - the girl's a walking brand...


James Hearson:

Really shit tattoos


Richie Starbuck:

cum into dimples


Stefan Isendahl:

Why so orange?

Question of Switzerland #11

Is anyone a bigger twat than Kanye West and why?

Dan Button: Anybody who has previously posed on Rolling Stone magazine pictured as Jesus in a crown of thorns is a big big twat so not many people can be a bigger twat.....though I do have an unhealthy hatred for toffs and Shoreditch twats.

Ewan Taylor: Russell Brand. I need say no more.

Hal Branson: Paul Danan. Because...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KscV1PvwRSsOh, and because he's a CUNT.

Marion Louise Atkinson: Kanye West's mother.

James Hearson: Patrick Kielty

Ali Findlay: Peter Taylor, Dennis Wise etc...

Question of Switzerland #10

I will not...

Rena X:

...Fuck it then eat it.


Dan Button:

...Stick my finger in there again.


Jess Bamkin:

...Be able to eat my dinner whilst watching t.v any longer if madonna doesn't put her twat away and that kid doesn't stop shitting at paul's house!!


Sarah Wadey:

...Butter my own muffin

Question of Switzerland #9

What's you're interpretation of Bad Taste?

Sarah Wadey:

bad taste... well, celery taste bad, does that make it bad taste? a seagull wrapped in 70s wall paper? hmmm...

Richard Lundie:

Whats the difference between an Apple and a dead baby? i don't fuck an apple before I eat it.

James Hearson:

Brown shoes with black trousers. And Necrophilia

Jamie Wilson:

Unleashing a heavyweight boxer with mental deffectiveness (it's got to be Mike Tyson really, hasn't it) into a maternity ward and shouting 'Whackamole' before inducing several pregnancies at once and ringing a loud bell...ding ding
nb- this could make a rather juicy supplement to his biography right after killed daughter on treadmill

Dan Button:

Jordan and or Katie Price.
Burberry.
A yeasty minge.
Brass Eye (in a good way).
Asking a bird mid coitus if you can call her "mother"
Kunt (in a good way).
Alternative Jesus jewellery (him in the electric chair, hanging from the gallows, lethal injection etc).
Fisting a cat.

Barry Lundie:

digging up a grave, hopping in with dead guy, quick wank and then spooning with him and talking all night long about my feelings and how pretty the sky is tonight. Have a snooze, wake up early then try and make him jealous by sleeping with his sister next door and making really loud sex noises so he can hear 'us' from his pit.

oops, i've just shat me fackin pants.

James Hearson:

Bono

Baudelaire Valentine:

Lilac thong speedos

Question of Switzerland #8

If you could be in the ultimate band, what would you be called, who would be in it and what would you sound like?

James Hearson:

Jimi Hendrix,
Billy Cox,
Mitch Mitchell,
Noel Redding,

Sound like The Jimi Hendrix Experience.....?????

With Bez


Dan Button:

Drums: Phil Collins
Bass: Phil Collins
Guitar: Phil Collins
Vocals: Phil Collins

They would play drum heavy 80's sing along anthems inspired by Birmingahm chocolate.

Band name? Peter Gabriel


Alan Jackson:

Drums: Sesame Streets - Ernie and Bert
Bass: 570-pound the world's fattest man - Manuel Uribe
Guitar: lead singer and lead guitarist for Jimmy Eat World - Jim Adkiz
Vocals: Blue Peters - Joey the Spaz

They would play Meat Loaf songs.

Band name? "You can't hurt me anymore"

Jamie Wilson:

Drums: Tony Allen
Bass: Squarepusher
Guitar: Seasick Steve
Vocals: Patrick Watson

There is no intended humour in any of the above decisions, I'm just bored, and felt like answering the question sincerely. Oh, but they will only play songs coined by the legendary Irish group The Corrs, but with a much rockier sound - hence the name, The HARDCORRS!

Question of Switzerland #7

Tell us a story using song titles.

Dan:

Billie Jean. Where did you sleep last night? Vienna? Maggie’s Farm? Hotel California?!?! Why go? Oh well. Since you’ve been gone. I put a spell on you. Bass in your face. Goodbye my lover.

Ben:

Goodbye my lover. Hello. All the young dudes. Do you wanna be in my gang? This modern love. Theres no other way. I'l be your baby tonight. All night long. Men together today. Its so easy. Ive tried everything. In between days. Back door man. Life in the fast lane. Im still standing. Drug store truck drivin man. Get in the ring.

Barry Lundie:


“Hi, how are you? Mysterious girl, my brown eyed girl, Liberian girl… Hit me baby one more time. Come as you are. Bootylicious. Be my baby.” Swoon.
“Beat it.”
“Fine. You can go your own way, Aint no pleasing you, Always, Gertcha!”
“Baby come back, I need you, I miss you (like the deserts miss the rain)”
“Cry me a river. Zero, Respect. For you.”
“Baby got back? I wanna love you, wanna lick magic stick pt 2.”
“It’s business time, I kissed a girl and I liked it. Fuck her gently,. Aisha, I’m a murderer, I’ll kill her, Raining blood. Ashes to ashes”

I remember, Ladies of the world. Bitches aint shit.

Esme:

Babe!
What’s up?
Money money money.
What do I get? Money for nothing?
I want to fuck you like an animal.
No way no way
Rape me?
Ooh stick you!

Question of Switzerland #6

My friend Matt wants to raise his child to be a monkey, attaching tiny weights to the arms and legs when young to build up strength from an early age, regular hair removal so that it gets well hairy and placing things up high so it gets good at climbing. How would you raise your ideal child and what would it become?

Dan Button:

Cube Boy

Similar to those square melons you can buy, my child will be grown inside a box. Their shoulders, bum, knees and heels will be the 8 corners with their skins, muscles and other bones making up the gaps between. The child will also be able to transform a la Wall-E. They will be used for various things such as using as a step to reach for things or if escaping from an evil doers hideout, I can throw my child under a closing door to use as a wedge to aid my escape. They are also easily stored away. I love you Cube Boy.

Scott Ballantyne:

Being able to actually implement this in a couple of months, I plan on raising my child (either sex) to become an assassin. Get them using small arms and blades from an early age, practice on targets pre-selected by myself (so don't piss me off on the tube, in the street, anywhere), and eventually at around the age of 4 or 5 hire them out for political or crime related assassinations. Who's going to suspect a cute little kid?? I'll soon be a bloody millionaire. And the kid? The kid will maybe get some new toys? or ammo? whichever they need more??

Barrie Lundie:

My first thought here is that I'd very much like to raise my child, Rod Munch as a paedophile. You see no one has ever raised a child to be one, they just seem to find their own natural path there sometimes. I will raise him on internet grot instead of bedtime stories, when he goes to the park, he will be forced to stand outside in a bush watching the other 'normal' kids play, rather than go on the swings. I want him to be completely desensitized by everything he sees so that he'll have to find something even more depraved to satisfy his needs. My boy will be the first ever paedo to molest a sperm.

Then I'll grass him up to the rozzers, get him banged up where he belongs. I mean... We can't have that beast running around the streets now can we?

Thanks for your time.

James Hearson:

I'd like to have a ginger boy. Train him to play in midfield. Then I could call him Scholesy.

Jamie wilson:

I'd train my brood to behave like the Lemmings from the popular computer game. There would have to be strict method enforced from a young age, for example, they would all be locked up in the attic for a pre-determined amount of time,before being released into the house. It would be a process of natural selection, because the only ones who survive the first 'obstacle' would be the ones that understood the umbrella method of dropping into the house. Then, there would have to be some 'walls', the little guys who stop the rest from falling off edges, that is a must. There would have to be plenty of spares, and I would have to minimize the possibility of actually getting attached to any of them, especially the 'exploders'!

Question of Switzerland #5

Would you prefer a cock but all your fingers are cocks or prefer to have all your fingers but have a finger for a cock?

Dan Button:

I'd have a finger for a cock because so I could beckon ladies with it.

CJ Wilson:

Imagine how much pleasure you could give to multiple women with cock fingers!
i'd still go with finger cock though, coz a finger for a cock is better than no cock at all!

Esme Tearle:

I would have cocks for fingers so I could finally satisfy my gaping arsehole. LOL!!! *cries*

Archie Oldman:

I don't think you've thought this through, a childrens TV series named Cock Fingers Button would be hugely popular. I see it as a chickle brothers style where everyday tasks become comedic as a result of your inability to 'consitantly grip things' ie. when you get 10 hard ons and pass out because all the blood has gone to your hands then wake as a fit bird is helping you but she doesn't bargain on ten doses of button muck. The scripts write themselves.

James Loizou:

What about 1 finger for a cock and 10 cocks?

Dan Calahan:

For girls,

would you rather a nose for a twat (and keep your nose on your face) OR a minge for a nose (and keep your pussy in the right place)?

Remember: both still work, so your nose CAN smell, and you've just got to hope your gash DON'T.

Stef Isendahl:

Cock fingers would give major satisfaction when flicking the Vs.
And when fingering the VJJs.

Richie Starbuck:

I have little chubby fingers, would that mean i would have little chubby cocks?

Esme Tearle:

Girls: Would you prefer kittens and puppies for fingers and a pretty sparkly thing for a cunt, or cakes and flowers for fingers and a singing happy unicorn for your special lady hole?

Richie Starbuck:

Cos if i had lots of chubby little cocks as fingers it would become an issue for me, i might have to wear gloves all the time.........................but then again i could pretend to be Spider Man!

Baudelaire Valentine:

Would your cock fingers have exactly the same attributes as your actual cock?

James Hearson:

Would you end up with pubes between the webs of your cocks in place of fingers? And do you have the equivilent amount of ball sacks hanging there too? Do thumbs remain as thumbs?

Question of Switzerland #4

You've a month to live and £1 million in the bank from OK Magazine. What you gonna do? Where you gonna go? How you gonna do it? Who you gonna do?

Jaclyn Suarez:

EASY!
1. new kickass apt - $20,000 a month
2. lipo - $4,000
3. shopping - $100,000
4. huge party in my new kickass apt, fly all my friends to nyc for huge kickassy party in new kickassy apt - $20,000. party will last 4 days.
5. then i am going to africa to bang the shizz out of game ranger - $10,000 (not sure how i would make that happen, but i would)

let's see where that takes me. i still have 1.5 million US$ left. and not enough time to spend it. brilliant. i will give the rest to ben randall and co. or something like that.

Barry Lundie:

Riiiiiiiight. 1 month aye? I would invest.

Dan Button:

I'd hang out with Jade, double our money yeah.

Richie Starbuck:

I would spend all the money on a 8ft tall gold statue of myself with a small 2ft statue of Jamie (my brother) next to it cos i would murder him just before i die, oh and prostitutes.............

Baudelaire Valentine:

Buy as much porn as possible and see how long it takes me to watch it....oh and sort out my will so that I could bequeath it to all the people I know.

Question of Switzerland #3

TV Show, Presenter and co host.

Dan Button:

Cooking with Cats hosted by Ted Rogers and Linda Lusardi

Amateur Hospital with Dr Fox and Richard Blackwood

Barry Lundie:

Don't forget your Enema Kit hosted by chris evans and susan sarandon

Stef Isendahl:

Show title: Incest!
Tag line: "The game the whole family can play"
Hosted by Bruce Forsyth
Sample host-competitor interaction:
"In the mouth, dear, in the mouth"

James Hearson

Celebrity Drug Abuse "LIVE".

Presented by Davina Mccall (Back on the skag).

Following the exploits of various different celebs swapping needles, stashes. Filmed in the Dorchester Hotel, the first two celebs to pass out each day are subject to a public vote to see who gets evicted. Many zany tasks are to be carried out such as Twister on LSD & the 100m coke line race. Line up T.B.C.

Jamie Wilson:

'Shit Yourself for Fun'

hosted by Johnny Vegas and June Sarpong.
the hosts and their guests take it in turn to shit their pants, wearing an assortment of jazzy coloured trouers ranging from loose sarrong type fit to indecently tight drain pipe cut leather trousers. guests are encouraged to gurn throughout the act to generate the biggest audience reaction.

tag line; We shit and you giggle!

Marion Louise Atkinson:

Cock Swap: Two families, usually from vastly different social classes and lifestyles, swap their husband's/dad's cocks for two weeks.The show will usually deliberately swap cocks with extreme polar opposite lifestyles.
During the first week, the new cock must adhere to the exact same rules and lifestyle of the cock it is replacing. Each leaves a house manual which explains the cock's role in the family and the duties it holds. During the second week, the new cocks are allowed to establish their own rules, and their new families must adhere to these new household rules. It usually takes a while for the families to adjust to this policy.

Bryony Dearman:

Britain's got the Jeremy Kyle factor on ice"
hosted by Natasha Kaplinsky and David Blunkett
warring chav couples are coached by Anton de beck and This Morning agony aunt Denise Roberts to create a three minute interpretational dance on the slippery stuff which accurately conveys the nature of their heartache, and (where appropriate in subsequent weeks) the difficult steps that they are taking to rebuild their lives. Panel judges would include Max Clifford, Ulrikka Jonnson and Ashley Cole

Question of Switzerland #2

The 2009 Death List

(those with the most correct guesses at the end of the year will receive an original Hero of Switzerland illustration)

Jamie Starbuck:

My top five to die this year.

1. Gazza.
2. Russ Abbot.
3. Debbie McGhee.
4. Sean Connery.
5. Paul Daniels (after Debbie)

Dan Button:

Top five to die this year...in no particular order

1. Patrick Swayze (earlier than reported)
2. Leslie Phillips
3. Gazza
4. Richard Attenborough
5. John Motson

Esme Tearle:

1. Steve Jobs
2. Fidel Castro
3. Jade Goody
4. Norman Wisdom
5. Margaret Thatcher

That was list of my 'Top five to die this year' by the way, not my 'would' list.

Bryn Jones:

Isn't choosing people suffering from illnesses a bit of a cheat? if not i want goody, evil knievel and swayze to replace the last three. but for now i'm in with 1. Peter Sallis 2. Kirk Douglas 3. Jim Bowen 4. Charlie Watts 5. Dudley Sutton from lovejoy.

Marion Louise Atkinson:

1-Barack Obama
2-Swayze
3-Amy Winehouse
4-Bruce Forsyth
5-Patrick Duel

Jamie Wilson

1.Wendy Richards (gas fire combustion)
2.Marradonna (struck down by a vengeful hand of God)
3.John McCririck (trampled to death by the crowd at Doncaster)
4.Lindsay Lohan (internal bleeding)
5.Bruce Forsyth (hypothermia resulting in pneumonia)

Ben Randall:

1.the queen
2.phillip
3.charles
4.camilla
5.edward

pile up on the M4

James Hearson:

1, Patrick Kielty - In a horrible painful time consuming manor.
2, Hugh Hefner - Chronic constipation.
3, Paris Hilton - Car Crash
4, Chris Moyles - Stabbed by hoodie
5, Zane Lowe - Stabbed by me

I'd feel a wee bit guilty if any of these people do die this year. Except Patrick Kielty. There is no place for him on this planet.

Rob Plant:

1. Steve Jobs (bad Aids)
2. Amy Whinehouse ( OD on glue )
3. The Queen ( Shot on hunt)
4. Jeremy Clarkson ( Run over )
5. Norman Wisdom ( Sadness)

Bryony Dearman:

1.Ian Paisley(a girl can dream)
2.Margaret Thatcher (if you're gonna dream, do it properly)
3.Mr T (I pity the fool . . . .)
4.Mel Gibson (*cough*karma)
5.George Foreman (high cholesterol)

Scott Ballantyne:

My 5 to kick the bucket....

1. Sir Bobby Robson
2. Prince Phillip
3. The Queen
4. Michael Parkinson
5. Pete Doherty

Kunt:

1. Bobby Charlton (combover based fatality)
2. Patrick Moore (found dead with xmas decs still up from 2007)
3. Dot Cotton (lung cancer)
4. Gazza (massive anal injuries in barrymore's swimming pool)
5. Bill Cosby (token)

Question of Switzerland #1

If god was alive/existed, what would you ask him?

Stef Isendahl: "Explain yourself, fucker"

Dzantos Andros: "Who's your favourite member of Westlife?"

Julia Heap: Just tell us what happened, why are we creating some sort of man made vortex below Switzerland to try and figure it all out?! You are probably laughing at us now you bugger because the scientific dudes got it all completely wrong!

Emma Deal: I'd ask him why Dan's stealing questions from the back of buses.

CJ Wilson: Seriously god, gingers... what WERE you thinking?

Jamie Wilson: God, Sir, what were you thinking? Making man in your own image you ego maniac. Judging by the rest of us you must be one fucked up individual. Fancy a bum?

Nordahl Ballingall: Why don't u shave? This long white beard is just ridiculous. Sacrebleu!!!

James Hearson: For a sandwich.

Jason Lockward: What's the deal with having Llamas and Alpacas, do we need both?

Jaclyn Suarez: i'd ask him how in GD hell you go from dinosaurs to people. Shit just ain't natural progression. What were you thinking jesus, you fucker!

Richard Lundie: Why am I deaf in one ear? And why did you make it so that only completly deaf people can have cochlear implants? Lucky cunts!

I didn't mean that god. sorry.